You know you’ve found a keeper when the guy you’ve just started dating drives an hour out of his way in a snowstorm to get you vegan cupcakes.
It’s my one-year wedding anniversary—AND my birthday—so I’m giving myself permission to get a little personal today. That’s right, it’s my blog and I’ll get sappy all over it if I want to.
As many of you know, last year my boyfriend of 7 years said “yes” to my impromptu proposal…during a videogame. How’s that for romance?
We had talked about getting married before and both admitted we couldn’t imagine life without the other. In the midst of a casual conversation about wedding traditions while playing Diablo III, of all things, it was suddenly, explosively, unstoppably right.
The wedding came together in a rush, in part because we didn’t feel like waiting and in part because Alan’s parents may have misunderstood what we meant by “courthouse now, wedding later.” (Thank you, my dearest in-laws, we loved it anyways and couldn’t have done it without you!!). There was no discussion about stationary (no time! email invites!), reception venue (whatever place can hold 30 people and feed a gluten-free vegan bride with two weeks’ notice!), or outfits for bridesmaids/groomsmen (we love all our friends and they can wear whatever they want!).
But one thing we knew right away is that we didn’t want to exchange rings. What can I say, we’re not ring people.
Turns out, we’re tattoo people.
Yup, we got wedding ink—today!
What could we want to permanently inscribe on our bodies? Together. His in German because I’m German, mine in Irish Gaelic because he’s Irish.
It is so sappy saying that out loud. But it’s the promise that we made when we got engaged, and it’s just perfection.
As many of you know, I struggle with not one, but THREE chronic illnesses. (It’s like a stamp-collecting hobby, only without all the excitement!) But what you may not know is that Alan has some chronic health stuff too. Alan’s story is not mine to share, but let’s just say that between the two of us, we have a lot of sick days.
There are times when it feels like it’s all too much. Dishes and clothes everywhere, litter boxes to be scooped, missed work days and events, both of us ill in bed, endless to-dos not being to-done, and a heartbreaking feeling that life is passing us by. There are times when we have to cry (me), or lose ourselves in videogames (him). And there are times when we have to say “eff it,” leave the house a mess, and order takeout, because we just can’t take one. more. friggin. thing.
But the only way out is through, and the only way through is together. Alan is always there for me on my dark days, and I am always there for him on his. And when our dark days coincide, we muddle through it and know it will pass (and that the cats will love all the excessive lounging until it does).
You can’t get everything you need from one person, and it’s not healthy for either party to expect that. It takes a village or some such cliché. But Alan gets pretty damn close.
So now that I’ve been married a whole year I feel qualified to leave you with a little nugget of relationship advice:
The “right” person—and this goes both ways—is the one that dives headfirst into all your baggage, not to carry you or rescue you, but walk with you through it, and help you laugh along the way. If you find that person, marry them!